What I wouldn't give...

 

 

So, tonight I have been looking through pictures on the computer.  It has been really inspiring and has seemed to spark my creative side once again.  It feels great. 

 

Our Friday night ritual of date night-in has been taken away by a change in Paul's work schedule so it is like any other night of the week now...oh well.  So this is the first Friday in a really long time that we aren't having Cafe Rio for dinner and kicking off the weekend together. We are both a little sad about it, but will get in a groove with the new schedule soon. 

 

So tonight, I have been looking at our Hawaii pics and have been having fun re-living the trip.  What I wouldn't give to be there right now.  I am dreading the arrival of winter around these parts and a little escape to somewhere warm sounds amazing right now. 

 

 

I have been reading a little bit back on this  little blog of mineto  remember just where I left off with documenting this crazy terrific life of mine. What do you know that it got me in the mood to get back to it. 

 

I left off on day 4 of Kauai(which was WAAAAAAY back in May) and so now, it is on to Day 5, which I believe started out with a donut craving. 

 

The rest of the day was spent exploring and picture taking.  We couldn't wait to get out and see more of this amazing island. At this point of our trip, I was sure that we would have plenty of time to explore it all.  How naive I was!  There is so much that we never even got to see. 

 

 We decided to check out the Wailua River area that day. We had a great time learning the history of this area and taking in all the beauty and spirit that is so rich here. The feeling in Hawaii is something that I can't describe. There is such a strong spirit there.  I love that feeling.   

 

After taking tons of pictures of this beautiful waterfall, we found ourselves on an dirt road. We couldn't resist taking it and seeing where it would lead us. 

 

We found this gorgeous area to relax and have a picnic before heading further up the road. 

This was definitely a neat locals swimming hole and we saw many local hunters along this road as well.  I loved feeling like we were in the middle of nowhere on this little island.  You couldn't see the ocean in any direction because of the dense foliage, so you could almost forget that you were on an island.  It was such a gorgeous area. 

 

 

Four wheeling here made us really really really miss our Jeep Wrangler days.  We both commented many times on how we will have to get another one someday.  They are just too much fun. 

 

After a few hours of exploring, we made our way down to tht Wailua River Marina and hoped on a river boat trip to the Fern Grotto.  Oh boy was it cheesy, but we loved the nice calm cruise up the river.  The temperature was perfect and I can never complain about being out on the water. 

 

 

 

 

We took a small hike up to the Fern Grotto and got to hear the Hawaiian Wedding Song before hoping back on the boat to go back. 

 

When we got back to the house, we found this little friend waiting for us.  It is so fun to see lizards around.  I kinda love them. 

 

 

We ended our day with a great taco salad dinner on the lanai and were off to say goodbye to the day on the beach. 

 



Why Hello, It Has Been Awhile



It is crazy to see that the last time that I put my thoughts on here was almost 4 months ago.  It is hard for me to believe that I haven't wanted to put my thoughts down for that long.  I love using my voice and putting my thoughts down in this way, but truth be told, I have been healing.....in a big way.  Part of that healing for me has been to just disconnect from a lot of things.  I didn't feel like blogging, so I didn't.  I have also taken a huge break from capturing everything on my camera.  I have still taken some pics here and there, but nothing like what I was used to doing.  I can't even explain what happened or what exactly was going on, except that I have been healing...and it has been glorious, frustrating, inspiring, extrordinary, maddening, and much much more. 

This summer was pretty hard for me in a way that I can't explain very well in words.  I was experiencing so many things and really learning to live in the moment.  I wanted to drink it all in, but in a different way than before.  I was definitely experiencing PTSD from spending the previous summer fighting cancer...but at the same time, I was experiencing an awakening....I see life so differently now...in such a beautiful way.  There is such a purpose to it that I never saw before.  It is true that you have to have darkness sometimes to be able to see just how bright the light really is.  I am aware of so much more.  I can see things happening around me and I so enjoying being a part of it all.  I have this yearning need to help people and inspire them to be who they are meant to be.  I feel so strongly about this.  I know that I had been struggling for a long time.....creating so much resistance in life and I know that this will always be something that I am fighting to overcome.

So many things have been going on as usual. But I feel like there should be a new beginning anyway.  I am in many ways a whole new person.  And I mean it when I use the word whole. The world is so beautiful.  My life is so amazing.  I don't even really know where I left off here.  Did I even blog about my last CT scan that I had in July?  Well, that one was clean and I had a feeling of relief like I had never experienced before.  From that moment on, I have been living in such a vibrant way.  I had a mental and physical clarity that is hard to explain.  At that moment, I wanted to just live.  We left the next day to Pacific City Oregon.  We spent a week there and it couldn't have come at a better time.  The ocean centers me and gives me such a feeling of peace.  Instead of making me feel small, which it does in a way, but more than that, it makes me feel like things are right and I am taking my place in this world.  I do have so much to give and that it matters.  I  needed to feel that.

I am hoping to catch up on a lot of adventures that we have been on lately.  Madilyn is thriving in Kindergarten.  Cowen is loving preschool.  I am loving the new school schedule that we are in now.  I am starting to get in a groove and it is nice.  I just had another doctor's appt. yesterday and things are great.  We are getting excited for the holiday season and exciting new things to come, whatever those things may be. 

Kauai Day 4 Exploring

 Day 4 is actually when our vacation really began.  We both were feeling back to normal by this point.  We woke up, had a simple breakfast and headed out to (finally) explore this gorgeous island.  The picture above is exactly what Kauai is like....trying to dodge the roosters that mosey along where ever they want/when ever they want.  I had to stop here as to not hit this rooster crossing the street!  I loved seeing them every where though.  Does that sound weird?  

Our first stop of the day was Sprouting Horn.  It is a lava tube where the ocean sprays up in the air and makes a sound that sounds like a dragon breathing.  If you have seen Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park, then this won't be that exciting to you :)  In all seriousness though, it was pretty neat to see.  There was also a great craft fair right near here that was fun to explore. 

 Then it was off to get a famous Hawaiian shaved ice.  Paul and I love adore shaved ice (or as we call them here in Utah-snow cones.)  I couldn't wait for Paul to try one.  He, of course, fell in love at first bite and this became the first of many that we enjoyed in the coming days :)

 We had to have it the traditional way with a "snow cap" on top (sweetened condensed milk.)  Such an awesome treat. 

 Soon it was time to hop back in the jeep and head to Waimea Canyon.  I have to admit that I was pretty excited about exploring this area.  It is afterall, the grand canyon of the pacific.  On the way we stopped at Island Taco to grab a quick lunch.  I read about this place online and it didn't disappoint.  We played it safe and got a chicken burrito because we were still recovering, but next time I definitely want to try the fish tacos that made this place famous.  

 We shared this yummy burrito.  It was unique and so tasty. 

 With our bellies full and happy, we made our way to the catch our first glimpse of Waimea Canyon.  It was another one of those moments where everything looked surreal.  It was so amazingly beautiful that it was hard to believe that it was real....let alone believing the fact that we were right there experiencing it.  It is hard to find words to even describe it.  There is such a spiritual feeling there.  I felt this way pretty much the whole time we were there.  It really is magical and there is nothing else like it. 

 We thought that it was pretty neat to see an Alta Ski Resort (we grew up minutes from there!) sticker on this sign at one of the lookout points.  

One of the first of silly photo shoot moments that happened on this trip.  Love silly times with my love.

 You can thank me later for sparing you all the photos that we took in this same exact spot ;) 

 There were so many hiking trails and we wondered down a few of them, but we both weren't confident in our energy levels after being so sick....we were both pretty bummed that we didn't get to explore it more by hiking.  Next time, I hope.

 My favorite lookout this day was Kalalau lookout.  I think that we spent almost an hour here just staring and taking pics of this spot.  It was breathtaking.  We met a group of people that had just gotten back from a treacherous hike on an unmarked trail.  They were all almost dead (from the crazy hike!) but they all commented on how worth it and amazing that it was.  Some even said death-defying when describing it.  So, maybe I am crazy, but I want to explore it someday.  This island has so many isolated places to explore and discover.  That, in my opinion, is beyond cool. 

We stuck to taking it all in behind the safety of the fence that day though :) 

 When we returned home for the evening, we poured ourselves an amazing Costco margarita and headed down to the beach for the sunset.  We made this a ritual and did this most evenings that we were there.  What I wouldn't give to be able to walk down to that beach right now and dig my toes in the sand and watch the day fade away.  I felt like the luckiest girl in the world on this trip and that is a wonderful feeling. 

 More pics from the day:

A self portrait with Waimea Canyon behind us.

A landscape shot of the canyon.

Trekking down to the beach with beach chairs on our backs.  Best evening ritual!

View on the walk to the beach...Uncle Greg, Aunt Teresa, and Scott, you are some of the luckiest people in the world :)  And you mean the world to us for sharing it with us!

Toes in the sand :) 

Life...It Just Does This....

Long time, no talk.  There are many reasons why I have not been updating this dear blog of mine.  The biggest being that I am dealing with all the cancer stuff emotionally.  June 7th was the anniversary of the day that I got diagnosed.  Then the anniversaries of cancer stuff just kept rolling in and with them lot's of sick feelings and just emotions.  I blogged a lot during that time and basically ANYTHING that was reminding me of that time had to go.  I hope you understand.  Right now, I am drinking some nasty drink in preparation for a CT scan tomorrow.  In my opinion, it is the biggest one yet.  I have had no cancer treatment since radiation ended the day before Thanksgiving.  My scan in January looked good.  Now it is scan time again.  It has been on my mind, but I have not known it...it just comes out in other ways.  I think I am trying to push it from my mind, but I have had had such a short fuse.  I hate being that way.  

At least there is a bright side:  I have been sleeping pretty good and the hot flashes have subsided for the most part.  And the rest of life has been pretty bright too.  We have been doing a lot of fun things, I have been refinishing furniture, jogging, sewing, planning the Littles birthday parties....all of which I would love to share on here.  I will....in time.   I have a whole lot more Hawaiian adventures to share after all and much much more.  

For now, I am concentrating on having a clean CT scan.  Then the beach and I have another date.  This time in Oregon and I can't wait.  My spirit needs its fuel again. 

I will leave you with this awesome picture of Little Man wearing the pea pod costume from when he was a baby.  In fact, Little Lady wore this for her first Halloween too.  I love this thing.  So does Little Man.  He asks to wear it pretty regularly and I am happy to oblige.  It is just too darn cute (and hilarious too) and it just makes my heart happy :)

Kauai Day 3 ...Magical :)

Howdy!  I really, really intended to get our Hawaii trip updated on here a l o n g time ago, but life just keeps moving, ya know what I mean?  Here it is the middle of June already.  We have been having a wonderful summer so far and I am knee deep in organizing our home, re-doing some furniture for Little Lady's room, planning Little Man's 3rd (yes 3rd...EEEK!) birthday, getting our trip to Oregon planned, and enjoying the hot weather outside while my kiddos play the day away.  We are busy and happy to say the least.  

The time has finally come, though where I am going through more of our Hawaii pictures.  We hope you enjoy them :)  

 Our trip finally began on day 3.  We were finally able to make it up and about and make our way down to the beach (which is literally just a minute walk down a path.)

 I think that we had perma-smiles on the entire trip.  We LOVED being in this place.  Perfect weather, gorgeous scenery, and the ocean....doesn't get any better in my book.

After another nap, we made our way to Costco (shocker, right?) to stock up on food for the next week.  It was amazing to be able to stay in a house with a kitchen and to be able to cook our own breakfast each morning, etc.  Such a money saver and a lot healthier too. 

 Costco is also great for a quick and cheap lunch.  I was amazed to see that the food court prices were the same as back home.  I was also amazed to see the roosters and chickens everywhere.  I kind of loved them :) 

We stayed connected with the Littles through Skype.  It was great to see their little faces and to hear about their adventures with Grandma and Pop. 

 I was excited to pick up our special vow renewal cake.  I had been in contact with Sandi, the pastry chef for the Grand Hyatt, to make this special cake for us.  She really outdid herself!  She is so talented.  This cake could not have been more perfect. It was better than I imagined it to be.  It tasted just as amazing as it looked too :) 

 Before we knew it, it was time to get ready and meet up with Rev. Christine to renew our vows.  It was great to finally meet her in person.  She was awesome and so perfect for our vow renewal.  

 Within seconds, we were whisked away into a magical moment.  It was seriously electrifying.  I can't even explain the energy that was surging throughout this amazing place during our vows.  It was unreal....so amazing.  Perfect.

Words cannot explain how spiritual and how much love we felt at this moment.  

Rev. Christine even got goosebumps.  We had them too.  I felt like the whole world was smiling at us and was happy for us.  

Definitely one of the top 5 moments of my life. 

There were a few funny things going on as well.  

I had forgotten a few things that I wanted to have for this moment.....a coral sash for my dress, and my lip gloss.  Rev. Christine told me to put her lipstick on.  It was called "Mood Lipstick" (ha!) and it was bright pink....so NOT me, but it was hilarious.  I kept licking my teeth in fear that it would get on them.  It  is so funny to think about it now. 

 We lightened it up a bit by toasting with champagne and going off to take some cheesy, yet romantic pictures on the beach.  My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. 

 It was one of those moments where I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that it was actually happening.  It was just that good. 

Afterwards, we went and ate at Brennecke's on the beach.  We shared a couple appetizers and some "Liquid Aloha"  :) 

Then we shared some of that gorgeous cake before crashing for the night. 

What an amazing moment and day in our lives.  Looking back on the horrific year that had come before this one, and the moments we were having last May floated away.  I had finally let go of all the pain and craziness that we had gone through. It is time for a new chapter and we were welcoming it in the best way possible. 

We were ready to take on the world again, and it felt wonderful!